Just a Step-Mother

Balloons

Today when I heard the news of the death of, Beau Biden the son of, Vice President Joe Biden, my heart grew heavy for the Biden family. I was already feeling sad for a close friend in the loss of a daughter. And as I thought of these two families grappling with the death of a child, my mind turned to my Adren.

We buried him back in 1996 and still my heart hurts at the loss of him. I remember when we found out Adren’s death was inevitable, a co-worker pulled me aside and offered some advice. Now, what she said may sound cruel, but she was exactly right in her thinking. You see, Adren was my step-son and even though I loved him as my own, my co-worker wanted to prepare me for the reactions and comments I’d receive from people when they learned of his death. She said to me, remember, you’re just a step-mother.

Her words meant, it doesn’t matter that you helped raise him, did his laundry, cooked his meals, drove him around and helped him with his homework; people will not see you as his mother because you didn’t birth him. She was exactly right. When people found out that Adren wouldn’t make it, their question was how is your husband’s son. When he died, the question became, how is your husband holding up.

Looking back, I realize very few people outside of my now ex-husband, immediate family and a few close friends understood that I hurt too. What those who didn’t see my pain don’t know is, I still struggle. It’s been almost twenty years since, Adren died and each year around the time of his death, its tough for me. My ex-husband looks for a call at that time with me usually balling on the other end of the phone. We’ve gone from phone calls to hanging out just to get me through.

There are many other men and women out there who’ve taken on the role of loving a child not naturally theirs as if he/she were their own. They provide that child or children with a stable loving home and guidance well into their adult years. You see, not all step-parents are wicked, some of us are loving.

I applaud all step-parents out there making a difference. Keep doing what you’re doing and remember you are so much more that just a step-parent. To someone you are their everything.

Ciao!

Savannah J.  providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

Part 5:

I left the music world and attended nursing school. Once I completed nursing school, I made a bee-line as my mother used to say for Richmond, Virginia. My plan was to get as far away as possible from my troubles and begin a new life. In my haste to start over, I failed to realize I couldn’t outrun my troubles. My mother tried to convince me to stay home and get a job there until I was on my feet but I just wanted to get away.

After a few years here, I married and had a son; my greatest gift from God next to His Son and salvation. My marriage didn’t last and I found myself a single mother. Single motherhood was a challenge but I embraced it fully; my son was and still is the love of my life. I formed relationships in Richmond but because I was depressed, I attached myself to unhealthy friendships. That old saying, “misery loves company,” is so true. I found myself making poor financial decisions as well.

In the midst of all of my struggles, it seemed my singing career completely dried up. I sang at church but not in the way I had in Delaware. The interesting thing is, I never thought it was me. I thought God had closed the door to my artistic outlets completely. I failed to grasp the fact, I was reaping the harvest of my decisions. It was me who decided not to attend Boston University and pursue my dreams, not God. And because God gives us free will, He didn’t intervene when I made my choice. The fact I was no longer using my gift, sent me further into unrest. I became anxious, grouchy and moody.

As the years passed, my inner turmoil proliferated. I was searching for peace but I didn’t realize the peace I sought was with me all along. You see, God never left my side, he was just waiting on me. I’d grown up in church and knew the Word of God, but as my mother would often tell me, I needed to know God for myself. In other words, I needed a personal relationship with Him. My time of reckoning would come on the heels of the death of a very close cousin.

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

My Cup Overflows Part 3

I remember returning to school after my father transitioned and thinking, “my dad is dead and no one cares. Life around me went on as usual and it seemed as though I became invisible.  I was transferred to a new school; one I could walk to since my father was no longer alive to take me. You see, as stated in my  previous blogs, Dad took me to school and picked me up daily.

The students in my new class were unfriendly to say the least and I recall one young man in particular spearheading bulling campaigns against me. Under these new circumstances, I not only felt lost, but afraid as well. My emotions ricocheted inside me like a ball in an old fashioned pinball machine; never really knowing where to come to a rest. In essence, I didn’t know how or what to feel. In hindsight, it was apparent, I wasn’t the only one feeling unhinged. My father had many friends and family feeling the impact of his death as deeply as I did.

My mother did an amazing job in the midst of her own trauma and pulled us together as a family. She took me to counseling so that I had a non biased person to talk with. She became an active part of my school’s PTA and upped her participation in my life. Essentially, Mom did her best to become mother and father to us. Despite my mother’s best efforts, my wounds from losing my dad, my hero were too deep.  I succumbed to the negativity around me that came from the outside my home. I was at that age where the opinions of others carry more weight than those of our family.

As a result of my vulnerable state I began a slow decent into the abyss of depression. The ironic thing is, I had no realization, I was depressed. I made a series of decisions over the course of my young adult and adult life that at times cost me dearly, all driven by melancholia. All the while I was lost in the chasm of sadness, it often seemed I was alone. But God!

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

It was Christmas 1968 and once again my family had enjoyed opening our gifts and celebrating the birth of Christ together. I received my first portable record player that Christmas which was the hottest gift on the must-have list. My sister remembers us playing different songs and dancing around with our father.

Somewhere between December 29th and 30th of that year, my father and a friend of my sister whom I’ll call Jeff left for King William County, Virginia to visit and check on my grandmother. One night while there, the two went to visit family and friends in the community. My dad began to feel ill, and Jeff took Dad back to my grandmother’s and they called 911. Dad never made it to the hospital that night; he died in route of a massive heart attack.

My sister’s friend was left alone to drive back to Delaware and deliver the news to us. I can’t imagine how Jeff must have felt making that four hour drive by himself to tell my mother she was now a widow and we had lost the king of our family. I will never forget the pounding on the front door early that morning or the sound of my sister’s sobs after the news was relayed.

Once the sun came up that day, my mom gathered me and my brother and our pastor came into the bedroom and told us Dad was gone. It seemed surreal. I was only twelve years old; my brother was nine. It felt as if someone had put me in an unfamiliar room, turned of the lights, blindsided me with a 2 x 4 and then pulled the rug out from under me.

I was my father’s little princess and I knew it. He was not only my dad but the king of our home. He made everything alright and now he was gone. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. But God!

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

As I look back over my life, I’ve come to realize I had an amazing childhood. I was blessed with a loving family both immediate and extended. The hero of my childhood, my dad in my eyes was one of the greatest men who ever lived.

My father was both provider and protector of my mother, my sisters and brother and me. He made our lives both fun and magical. There was never a dull moment with dad and he could make walking to corner store or going to the park an adventure.

I recall one winter we had a really bad snow storm come through my hometown. Dad got my brother and me all bundled up in our snow suits, hats, gloves and boots and took us on a walkabout to the local five and dime store. As my brother and I warmed ourselves by the heater, my father and the owner of the store chatted it up. I remember my father’s laughter that night as it filled the store.  It was one of many nights when I felt safe and warm and loved.

During the days when I was in elementary school, we had homeroom mothers. The job of the homeroom mother was to chaperon trips, assist with class parties and bring treats for the students from time to time. Well, my brother and I didn’t have a homeroom mother, we had a homeroom father. You see, because my father was self-employed, he could close his business and help out around our school as needed. The boys in our classes especially enjoyed having dad around.

There were so many other things he did that brought us joy. For instance, sometimes on Saturdays, my mother would pack a huge picnic lunch. Dad would load our family and as many neighborhood kids as would fit into the car and take us to the park. There he would play all sorts of games with us like kickball, baseball or even dodge ball.

It may seem as though my focus here is only on my father and not at all on my mother. That isn’t at all the case; I couldn’t have asked for a better mother.  You see during my childhood, my father was the one who made our lives magical and fun. He was the playful and adventurous one; the pillar of our family. And then one early morning at about 3 a.m. or so, there came a pounding on the front door and in a few short words, the magic was gone.

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g