Bitter-Sweet Memories

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One day last week, I attended a networking event for women in my area. The venue was in a shopping center I used to frequent as young mother after my son was born. There was a store at that time in the shopping center, that sold discounted children’s wear, and furniture. I can remember buying my son a highchair, stroller and disposable diapers there.

After the event was over, I did a slow cruise through the parking lot. So many memories filled my mind and heart. I recalled the sound of my son’s voice as a child and the sweet smell of his skin as a baby and toddler. The remembrance of those days, now long since gone brought tears to my eyes. I’d say they were bitter-sweet.

Bitter-sweet because time continues on and we can’t go back, When my son was a little boy, I did things with him to create memories for both of us. I spent quite a bit of quality time with him; I took lots of pictures with my camera and my mind. I used to hold his tiny hands as often as I could. I’d sit by his bed and watch him sleep and when he fell asleep in my arms, I’d listen to the sound of him breathing close to my ear.

I’m so incredibly thankful for my son and having had the opportunity to raise him. My son has been an exceptional child and young man. As a baby and toddler, he used to wake from a nap laughing. He never gave me a minutes grief as a teenager. He obtained the rank of Eagle Scout and is now a phenomenal photographer.

Looking back over our past can be bitter-sweet when we realize the past can not be relived and there are things we’d like to change or experience again. But we can draw from the sweetness of those memories and focus on the now and future, because I believe the best is yet to come. If you find yourself living in the past, may I kindly suggest you refocus your thoughts? What is done is done and what is gone is gone, however, if we learn to live in the now; to be present in this moment our views on life will change completely.

I miss the days of my son as a baby and little boy but his days as a young adult man bring me just as much joy. He still comes to me with wonder and excitement in his eyes when experiencing something new. He still shares his hopes and dreams with me and believe it or not, we still play around and act silly sometimes.

The present has so many wonderful things to offer us as does the future. Lets keep our eyes focused on the now and enjoy the blessings of today, with that we will reap the sweet without the bitter.

Ciao!

Savannah J.  providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

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My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

Part 4.

My young adult years were filled with the same wonder and adventure of others my age on the path of self discovery. I entered college with the goal of becoming a Broadway singer. I was accepted into Boston University on a scholarship, with the opportunity to intern in New York City but declined attending there and instead chose Ohio State University. This would prove to be the beginning of a few bad choices I would make over the course of my young adult years. Things didn’t workout for me at Ohio State but I eventually landed an audition with The Peabody Institute at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. Attending The Peabody Conservatory was a dream come true for me, but I wasn’t prepared.

During my high school years, my teachers took a great interest in me and my talents. I was given extra time and attention and even assisted in securing a spot with a choir set to tour Europe. The summer of my senior year I was privileged to sing before audiences in five European countries as soloist with that choir. I took talent to Peabody but I didn’t have the academic preparation for an all music setting. There are certain courses one must take prior to attending conservatory, but I hadn’t done so. Mostly because I didn’t have access to those classes. I also didn’t have the fight and determination then that I now have and so when the going got tough, I gave up.

The years of being bulled and picked on during my youth after Dad died taught me to retreat instead of push forward. I was timid, browbeaten and easily intimidated. Rather than fight for myself, I took the path of least resistance. My mother was there ever encouraging me to fulfill my dreams, but I just didn’t have the fortitude or tenacity. I came home from Peabody after a two year struggle and picked another career path. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I needed a job. It seemed my hopes and dreams as a creative were over, but God was right there in the midst with me. Although I had all but given up on my artistic future, God had a plan.

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

My Cup Overflows Part 3

I remember returning to school after my father transitioned and thinking, “my dad is dead and no one cares. Life around me went on as usual and it seemed as though I became invisible.  I was transferred to a new school; one I could walk to since my father was no longer alive to take me. You see, as stated in my  previous blogs, Dad took me to school and picked me up daily.

The students in my new class were unfriendly to say the least and I recall one young man in particular spearheading bulling campaigns against me. Under these new circumstances, I not only felt lost, but afraid as well. My emotions ricocheted inside me like a ball in an old fashioned pinball machine; never really knowing where to come to a rest. In essence, I didn’t know how or what to feel. In hindsight, it was apparent, I wasn’t the only one feeling unhinged. My father had many friends and family feeling the impact of his death as deeply as I did.

My mother did an amazing job in the midst of her own trauma and pulled us together as a family. She took me to counseling so that I had a non biased person to talk with. She became an active part of my school’s PTA and upped her participation in my life. Essentially, Mom did her best to become mother and father to us. Despite my mother’s best efforts, my wounds from losing my dad, my hero were too deep.  I succumbed to the negativity around me that came from the outside my home. I was at that age where the opinions of others carry more weight than those of our family.

As a result of my vulnerable state I began a slow decent into the abyss of depression. The ironic thing is, I had no realization, I was depressed. I made a series of decisions over the course of my young adult and adult life that at times cost me dearly, all driven by melancholia. All the while I was lost in the chasm of sadness, it often seemed I was alone. But God!

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

For The Ladies: Stay The Course

MP900390480Greeting ladies! Today I would like to talk with you about our ambitions. I’m sure many of you have goals, plans and dreams. I’m also sure many of you are either working on or have fulfilled some if not all of your goals, plans and dreams. But there are some of you who may have lost hope in achieving your desires. Perhaps it’s because someone shot holes in your plans or you became confused as a result of too many voices offering you direction and it caused you to become discouraged. Whatever your reason for giving up, I’d like to encourage you to breathe life into your aspirations and then, Stay The Course. 

It’s very important when we are working on a project, that we surround ourselves with others who are on the same highway of thought. Equally important is finding a mentor or two willing to guide us in our quest. It can, however, become confusing when too many people offer advice. As my mother used to say, “Too many cooks spoil the stew.” Even more devastating are comments from the Nay-Sayers.

Nay-Sayers are those who for whatever reason, choose to tear down another’s dreams. I’m not sure the motivation behind their negativity, and frankly I don’t try to figure them out. I just know, if you want your plans to succeed, “run do not walk to the nearest exit” and get away from the Nay-Sayers.

Once you breathe life into your plans do not allow anyone or anything to turn you around. Ladies, Stay The Course; our goals are achievable. No matter how large or small, you can do it. I’m not saying it will be easy because anything worth having rarely comes easily, but it’s more than worth the struggle. So, stand up tall, square your shoulders, look life straight in the eyes and revitalize your ambitions and no matter what, Stay The Course. 

Cioa!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.

www.thesavannahjpublications.com

Savannah J is the author of Raising Tristan, the story of Shiloh Milner a gentleman who suddenly finds himself a single father after the mother of his newborn son abandons the baby at the hospital. Raising Tristan is available in paperback and eBook at  http://amzn.to/1tMpX3m and on Google Play Books at http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN

She is also the author of The Prey, the story of J. Carter Woodson and man who finds himself the victim of a relentless stalker. The Prey is available in eBook on Amazon at http://amzn.to/1BVDXO1 and Google Play Books at http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Follow Savannah on Twitter @savana74

On the wings of an Eagle

 

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I recently found myself in a depressed state of mind after the loss of a dear family member. Now, the interesting thing about this is, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it. Well, not so. One night not so long ago at work, a co-worker pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong, when I confessed the severity of my emotional state, the color pretty much drained from her face. She and another co-worker sat me down and talked with me about my feelings and offered words of strength and encouragement.

Since then, I have taken steps to regain my joy. I’ve spent more time studying my Bible, I get out more and do at least one thing per day that I enjoy. I listen to positive messages and watch positive videos.  And I can feel the happiness beginning to bubble up inside of me again.

Tomorrow will be the first time in many years I won’t be able to phone my dear family member and wish her a Happy Birthday. To celebrate her life, I’ve been thinking of things I can do. Her favorite thing was Butterflies, so I may go out and find a Butterfly pin towear. Or I may buy a cake and have a Butterfly placed on it and share it with friends. I’m not quite sure yet. There is, however, one thing I’m definitely sure of and that is, she liked Butterflies but I like Eagles.

I once visited a zoo that had a area where Eagles with broken wings were rehabbed. As I gazed at them through the enclosure, I couldn’t help but stand in awe. Despite their condition, the posture of the Eagles was as regal as ever. Although they are birds, they seemed to hold their heads high as they patiently waited to heal.

As a part of my fascination with Eagles, I’ve often watched videos of them and to me nothing is more splendid than an Eagle taking flight for the first time after the mending of a broken wing. Looking back, I realize for the past nine months, my wing has been broken. I have grieved the loss of someone very dear. Tomorrow, in spite of the fact that I will always grieve her loss to some extent, my soul shall once again take flight.

In celebration of her life tomorrow, whether I buy a cake or wear a Butterfly or simply sit in quite reflection, as Isaiah 40:31 says, I will once again “mount up on the wings of an Eagle.” That which was broken has now been mended and maybe, just maybe, I’ll give a Butterfly a ride.

Savannah J, she adds a little sass in every page.  

www.thesavannahjpublications.com