Fear! But then again, what do we have to be afraid of?

Fear slide

There is an office park that I frequently pass while running errands. At times when passing that particular area, I recall days gone by; a time when I was on a different path. I was headed in a direction not meant for me. Now, as I look back over those days, I have no regrets in changing my course, what I do wonder about is, where my life would have been had I embraced another opportunity afforded me.

The opportunity I’m speaking of isn’t the only one I passed up out of fear. I’ve had friends and family tell me, perhaps those things weren’t meant for me, because what’s for us we will have. I would like to beg the difference. Sometime, we miss once in a lifetime connections because we allow our insecurities to hold us back. I’m now a firm believer, fear is nothing more than a false perception of something that will never come to pass.

I’m not referring to the type of fear which keeps us safe, such as not walking down a dark alley at night alone because we fear we may get mugged. I’m speaking of the apprehension which keeps us from moving forward. Had I not been afraid of pushing myself through music school, perhaps I’d be a music teacher today. Had I not been afraid to acknowledge my talents when asked about them, perhaps I’d be acting in a small local acting guild.

It’s high time we stop allowing our anxieties to rule our decisions. For the past couple of years, I’ve been working on embracing who I am as a woman and artist and it feels amazing. I attend networking events alone and meet wonderful people who think like me. I join in on challenging activities with the young people in my family that I wouldn’t ordinarily participate in. I no longer consider talking about my talents an uncomfortable topic, and neither should you. There is nothing wrong with believing in ourselves. After-all, our family and friends believe in us. So, let’s grab the bull by the horns and ride after all what do we have to be afraid of?

Ciao!

Savannah J.  providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

Sometimes The Answer Is No

sunrise

Have you ever wished or prayed for something or someone to come into your life only to have the longing go unfulfilled? I’m sure you have, as a matter of fact, I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t experienced that type of disappointment. I’ve experienced the frustration of an unmet desire a few times myself. What I eventually learned is sometimes, God in His infinite wisdom says no.

When I was younger, I wanted five children, I have one. I tried everything, even adoption but nothing seemed to work for me. Finally I had a talk with myself and accepted the fact, I was meant to be a mother of one. You see, in life no matter how much we want a thing to happen for us, sometimes the answer is no.

I believe my Higher Power whom I choose to call God, says no for very good reasons. If God is our Father, as a parent, sometimes He must say no to protect us. I had a difficult pregnancy with my son and came close to death in childbirth. It stands to reason had I had another child, I may not have lived. It took me quite a few years to wrap my mind around that fact as I desperately wanted more children.

Today, I’m grateful for God’s infinite wisdom. It’s kept me safe on more than one occasion and guided me on many others. I now find myself advising younger people on the affairs of life and I don’t hesitate to let them know, it’s okay to say no. I tell them, no is a good answer. We may not want to hear it, but it’s okay. When we’ve reached our limits and our plates are full, and we’re asked to do one more thing saying no can keep us from burnout.

Disappointments in life will always come; it doesn’t have to stop us from moving forward. At those times we must seek new direction to achieve our goals. In the instances where nothing we try works, perhaps that thing or person we’re seeking isn’t for us. Sometimes the answer is no.

Ciao!

Savannah J.  providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

Part 5:

I left the music world and attended nursing school. Once I completed nursing school, I made a bee-line as my mother used to say for Richmond, Virginia. My plan was to get as far away as possible from my troubles and begin a new life. In my haste to start over, I failed to realize I couldn’t outrun my troubles. My mother tried to convince me to stay home and get a job there until I was on my feet but I just wanted to get away.

After a few years here, I married and had a son; my greatest gift from God next to His Son and salvation. My marriage didn’t last and I found myself a single mother. Single motherhood was a challenge but I embraced it fully; my son was and still is the love of my life. I formed relationships in Richmond but because I was depressed, I attached myself to unhealthy friendships. That old saying, “misery loves company,” is so true. I found myself making poor financial decisions as well.

In the midst of all of my struggles, it seemed my singing career completely dried up. I sang at church but not in the way I had in Delaware. The interesting thing is, I never thought it was me. I thought God had closed the door to my artistic outlets completely. I failed to grasp the fact, I was reaping the harvest of my decisions. It was me who decided not to attend Boston University and pursue my dreams, not God. And because God gives us free will, He didn’t intervene when I made my choice. The fact I was no longer using my gift, sent me further into unrest. I became anxious, grouchy and moody.

As the years passed, my inner turmoil proliferated. I was searching for peace but I didn’t realize the peace I sought was with me all along. You see, God never left my side, he was just waiting on me. I’d grown up in church and knew the Word of God, but as my mother would often tell me, I needed to know God for myself. In other words, I needed a personal relationship with Him. My time of reckoning would come on the heels of the death of a very close cousin.

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

Part 4.

My young adult years were filled with the same wonder and adventure of others my age on the path of self discovery. I entered college with the goal of becoming a Broadway singer. I was accepted into Boston University on a scholarship, with the opportunity to intern in New York City but declined attending there and instead chose Ohio State University. This would prove to be the beginning of a few bad choices I would make over the course of my young adult years. Things didn’t workout for me at Ohio State but I eventually landed an audition with The Peabody Institute at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. Attending The Peabody Conservatory was a dream come true for me, but I wasn’t prepared.

During my high school years, my teachers took a great interest in me and my talents. I was given extra time and attention and even assisted in securing a spot with a choir set to tour Europe. The summer of my senior year I was privileged to sing before audiences in five European countries as soloist with that choir. I took talent to Peabody but I didn’t have the academic preparation for an all music setting. There are certain courses one must take prior to attending conservatory, but I hadn’t done so. Mostly because I didn’t have access to those classes. I also didn’t have the fight and determination then that I now have and so when the going got tough, I gave up.

The years of being bulled and picked on during my youth after Dad died taught me to retreat instead of push forward. I was timid, browbeaten and easily intimidated. Rather than fight for myself, I took the path of least resistance. My mother was there ever encouraging me to fulfill my dreams, but I just didn’t have the fortitude or tenacity. I came home from Peabody after a two year struggle and picked another career path. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I needed a job. It seemed my hopes and dreams as a creative were over, but God was right there in the midst with me. Although I had all but given up on my artistic future, God had a plan.

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

My Cup Overflows Part 3

I remember returning to school after my father transitioned and thinking, “my dad is dead and no one cares. Life around me went on as usual and it seemed as though I became invisible.  I was transferred to a new school; one I could walk to since my father was no longer alive to take me. You see, as stated in my  previous blogs, Dad took me to school and picked me up daily.

The students in my new class were unfriendly to say the least and I recall one young man in particular spearheading bulling campaigns against me. Under these new circumstances, I not only felt lost, but afraid as well. My emotions ricocheted inside me like a ball in an old fashioned pinball machine; never really knowing where to come to a rest. In essence, I didn’t know how or what to feel. In hindsight, it was apparent, I wasn’t the only one feeling unhinged. My father had many friends and family feeling the impact of his death as deeply as I did.

My mother did an amazing job in the midst of her own trauma and pulled us together as a family. She took me to counseling so that I had a non biased person to talk with. She became an active part of my school’s PTA and upped her participation in my life. Essentially, Mom did her best to become mother and father to us. Despite my mother’s best efforts, my wounds from losing my dad, my hero were too deep.  I succumbed to the negativity around me that came from the outside my home. I was at that age where the opinions of others carry more weight than those of our family.

As a result of my vulnerable state I began a slow decent into the abyss of depression. The ironic thing is, I had no realization, I was depressed. I made a series of decisions over the course of my young adult and adult life that at times cost me dearly, all driven by melancholia. All the while I was lost in the chasm of sadness, it often seemed I was alone. But God!

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g

“A Dream Deferred.”

Clouds and Green Field

“What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore– And then run?” Langston Hughes.

The first half of the  poem “A Dream Deferred,”  has entered my thoughts off and on for years, especially the line, “Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun.” I’ve pondered Mr. Hughes’ poem because like so many others I’ve had dreams deferred. My biggest dream, to become a Broadway musical singer was killed by naysayers.

At the age of nineteen, I secured a  spot in the prestigious Peabody Institute of Johns Hopkins to study voice. The training I received prior to my audition was minimal to say the least but my vocal abilities were exceptional. I entered Peabody with excitement and determination to fulfill my goal of becoming a singer. My years at Peabody were difficult and eventually, my resolve was broken down; I left in my junior year.

I’ve often heard successful people say, if we believe in our dreams and work hard our goals are attainable. Now, before you prejudge where you believe I’m going with this, please stay with me. Many years have passed since my dreams at singing were deferred. The one thing I’ve learned since then is to not give up. I’ve also learned, my mother’s advice was golden. She taught be to keep my mouth shut when it involved sharing my plans, and to surround myself with positive people who support my efforts.

My mistake at Peabody was accepting negative opinions of naysayers. They were not the vocal teachers at Peabody, but others who felt my vision of attaining a self sufficient career as a singer was foolish and impossible. Suppose the great musicians of today and yesterday had believed that. Imagine if Chrysler or Ford or Edison had conceded their cynics were correct.

I understand all my dreams may not be realized but I no longer allow myself to be swayed by those who don’t share my vision. As a matter of fact, my plans are shared with very few. I keep my focus on my goals and spend at least two hours a day engaging in five activities designed to move me closer to my desired objective.

Perhaps you have goals and dreams that have been deferred. Maybe you’ve been influenced by individuals who feel your plans are foolish. Well, I say to you, dust off those dreams, design a workable business plan and form alliances with person’s successful in the place you see yourself going. Oh yes, and the most important piece is to see yourself already “there,” already prosperous. And do not under any circumstances allow anyone to dissuade you.

Savannah J, she adds a little sass in every page.

www.thesavannahjpublications.com

My Cup Overflows

cup overflow

Part 4.

My young adult years were filled with the same wonder and adventure of others my age on the path of self discovery. I entered college with the goal of becoming a Broadway singer. I was accepted into Boston University on a scholarship, with the opportunity to intern in New York City but declined attending there and instead chose Ohio State University. This would prove to be the beginning of a few bad choices I would make over the course of my young adult years. Things didn’t workout for me at Ohio State but I eventually landed an audition with The Peabody Institute at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. Attending The Peabody Conservatory was a dream come true for me, but I wasn’t prepared.

During my high school years, my teachers took a great interest in me and my talents. I was given extra time and attention and even assisted in securing a spot with a choir set to tour Europe. The summer of my senior year I was privileged to sing before audiences in five European countries as soloist with that choir. I took talent to Peabody but I didn’t have the academic preparation for an all music setting. There are certain courses one must take prior to attending conservatory, but I hadn’t done so. Mostly because I didn’t have access to those classes. I also didn’t have the fight and determination then that I now have and so when the going got tough, I gave up.

The years of being bulled and picked on during my youth after Dad died taught me to retreat instead of push forward. I was timid, browbeaten and easily intimidated. Rather than fight for myself, I took the path of least resistance. My mother was there ever encouraging me to fulfill my dreams, but I just didn’t have the fortitude or tenacity. I came home from Peabody after a two year struggle and picked another career path. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I needed a job. It seemed my hopes and dreams as a creative were over, but God was right there in the midst with me. Although I had all but given up on my artistic future, God had a plan.

Ciao!

Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life. 

Http://www.thesavannahjpublications.com 

Follow Savannah on Twitter   http://bit.ly/1tBBC6o 

on Google Plus http://bit.ly/1pnq9sP 

and on Facebook http://on.fb.me/10p1o32

Savannah is the author of The Prey now available in eBook on Kindle http://amzn.to/1xg0pgM and on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1q5hncz

Also look for Raising Tristan on Google Play Books http://bit.ly/1pL4GqN and on Kindle http://amzn.to/1AlHl6g