For many years, I struggled with the thought of being capable of doing my job. Instead of entering the idealistic world I created for myself in my mind when I graduated, I was met with a harsh reality. In addition to the intricacies involved in doing my job, I received harsh criticism by co-workers. Those two things left me doubting not only my capabilities but my decision. In hindsight, I realize my inner turmoil was more of my own doing than the co-workers who antagonized me.
I’ve been in my current profession for over thirty years. It wasn’t until the last two years, I’ve felt confident and capable of providing consistent and competent service. For many years, I was bullied and looked down upon by a handful of co-workers. It seemed they lurked about waiting patiently for an opportunity to question and belittle me. I was labeled incapable and no matter how I worked to abolish the stigma, it persisted.
To protect myself and guard my heart, if you will, I avoided them at all costs. Now, you may wonder why or how I feel partially responsible for my situation, after-all bullying is real and can prove more then harmful. Well, I’ve come to realize, the low self esteem, low self confidence and low self worth I suffered from made me a sitting target for bullies.
The fact that I doubted myself, left me open to their condensation and derision. Instead of challenging them and standing up for myself, I cowered in a corner. Now, let me pause here and say, I’m only speaking of my situation and not others who’ve been victims of bullying. Once I realized my self worth and value I bring to my profession, things began to change. It all started with the kind words of a dear friend who has been relentless in her encouragement and pushing me to find my wings and soar.
I love raptors and my favorite is the Eagle. Many women identify with the butterfly because of the transformation process, but not me. I identify with the Eagle. As a matter of fact, I have a saying for myself; “If you’re going to be an Eagle, be a Harpy.” The Harpy is one of the largest of the Eagle family. Over the past two years, I’ve found my wings and now I’m learning to soar.
I’d love to share my journey with you in hopes it’ll inspire you to find your wings. That being said, stay tuned for more of I Am More Than Capable.
As always, I hope my thoughts encourage you.
Savannah J. providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.
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